- Written by Brian McNett
- Category: Uncategorised
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The world is in chaos as the dead rise from the grave.
Hordes of shambling undead, many with bits of rotting flesh falling off them invade every city. Here now is a typical encounter with a vegan zombie:
The scene shifts to a small, very trendy organic, gluten-free restaurant where there is a throng of the unliving pressing against the entrance. Employees and patrons alike are in abject terror as the zombies utter inarticulate moans and pound against the locked doors. It's only a matter of time before the zombies break through and finally, one does.
Patrons cower behind upturned tables as the lone breakthrough zombie shuffles across the room mysteriously ignoring them and proceeding straight to the counter where a lone teenager is operating the till. He's clearly frightened out of his wits, but he doesn't dare try to escape. There's nowhere to run to.
Teenager: May I take your order, sir.
Zombie: (in a low guttural voice) Yeeeeeeeeeeessss.
Teenager: What would you like?
Teenager: Uh... We're a gluten-free restaurant...
The chaos of the vegan zombie apocalypse was thankfully brief, although several gluten free bakeries paid the ultimate price. The world learned quickly that liberally placated with meals of saitan and regular snacks of french bread, the vegan zombies were actually little threat.
Placated by copious supplies of certified organic vegetables, and GMO-free grains, the zombies of the Vegan Zombie Apocalypse eventually abandoned their assaults upon the cities of the world, settled down, and started farms. Little changed in the post-apocalyptic world, except that it was fiendishly difficult to find a gluten-free anything, and small towns across the planet experienced a renaissance of trendy, hip, vegan restaurants catering to the bizarre new local clientele.
Copyright © 2015
A Scene From the Vegan Zombie Apocalypse by Brian McNett is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
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