UPDATE: Since this story was originally written, we've seen "Mists of Pandaria," Warlords of Draenor," "Legion," and now, "Battle for Azeroth." The menace remains unabated.
No secret I play WoW. Love the game. There's only one problem: Spiders.
Typical scenario... I'm on my gnome warrior, questing because that's what I like to do most. I'm level-capped, so this is a daily quest. Tol Barad. I approach the quest-giver.
"Delrick," he says, because that's my character's name, "We have a problem. The woods are filled with spiders. We can't fight the Horde and the spiders at the same time. Do us a favor, and kill a bunch of those spiders for us. Twelve should do it. We're proud we can count on heroes like you to prevent our soldiers from getting spider guts on their shiny, shiny armor. I'm just making up shit jobs for you to keep you 'amateurs' out of the way of the professional soldiers, mind you, but I'd never say that out loud. Did I just say that out loud?"
Right! Off to kill a dozen spiders on behalf of the alliance because *real* soldiers need to keep their armor nice and shiny, and two-bit adventurers like me will probably throw away our current set for nice purples from the nearest raid instance the moment we have crap gear of sufficient iLvl to enter it.
Enough of this and I'm sick of being anywhere near the front lines in the fight against the horde. I don't want to see another spider as long as I live. Let's go quest on Mount Hyjal, get ourselves out on the Molten Front, fighting the minions of Ragnaros. Surely...
"Delrick," the questgiver says, "Thank Elune that you're here!" (Elune is the Night Elves main goddess (The Moon, naturally), and of course, my quest-giver is a night elf) "You've been a constant boon to we druids, and there's a task which I know will be just the job for you. Go out there and slay a bunch of those SPIDERS for me..."
WHAT THE... The minions of the Firelord are spiders? Sure enough, and the quest has me killing eight of them. Not so bad, I suppose, but another quest has me gathering spider eggs, and another collecting spider silk and venom.
Okay, this shouldn't be a problem, except... Let's fire up the Wayback machine and see what I was doing in this game years ago.
"Delrick!" exclaims the swarthy dwarven magistrate, "Word of your heroic deeds in Dun Morogh has reached us, even here in Loch Modan. I have just the task for a staunch defender of King Magni's lands! Our forests are overrun by spiders..."
"Delrick!" shouts the steam tonk pilot, Stonegear, "I have need of a rare ore fer makin' me explosive shells fer ol' Trollplow here. You can find the ore in a cave in the Wetlands, just beyond Dun Algaz. There may be a few wee spiders aboot..."
"Once, Delrick," The night watchman said, "These forests were known as 'The Brightwood', but a long shadow has fallen over the land, and we now call it 'Duskwood'. Its perils are many, but not the least of them are the spiders..."
"There are too many spiders here in the Searing Gorge..."
"Kill some spiders here in Silithis..."
Did it stop in Burning Crusade? No...
"What we need right now is for you to go north into Razor Ridge, or east to the Scalewing Shelf, and keep them clear by killing the stalkers. They're stealthy spiders that...."
Did it stop in Wrath of the Lich King? No...
"Delrick! We're so glad to have a warrior of your caliber here," says Tirion Fordring, "The Lich King has set an army of undead SPIDERS upon us, encasing our best paladins in webs. Free the paladins, and dispatch those awful spiders....."
Maybe they should call the game World of Spidercraft? There's a spider down in that raid instance, I just KNOW it.